A few days ago, I came across a photo on the Internet that I feel best sums up what it really means to live a congruent life. The picture states:
Make a list of things that make you happy.
Make a list of things you do every day.
Compare the lists.
I truly believe that the happiest people are the most congruent, the individuals whose thoughts and actions are in perfect alignment. Every day, the constantly strive to marry what they say with what they do. When they set their alarms at 6:00am to exercise, they make it happen even when they don’t feel like it.
I think the quote above can also be applied to the relationships in our lives. This past weekend, I reunited with an old high school friend who vented to me his frustrations about being surrounded by toxic people in his life. The pressures and stresses of regularly dealing with unreliable and unmotivated individuals truly weighed him down. He sighed, “You have friends now that you’ve known for more than a decade. That friendship and bond you have with your best friends Justine and Nikki and the Vaklas… I don’t have that in my life.”
After our meeting, I reflected on our conversation and couldn’t help but feel extreme gratitude for the deep relationships and friendships I have in my life. At this point in my life, I can say with certainty that there is absolutely nobody in my life who I don’t want in it, and it has taken me 24 years to realize that it is one of the most hard-earned prizes of adulthood.
A majority of people live their lives settling for shallow relationships and connections with other people they know do not contribute to their growth, emotional vampires who suck life and joy and bring pain and heartache instead. I believe that cutting ties with toxic people in our lives is simple, but not easy. Just like the quote above, I think one of the most efficient strategies is to create two lists:
1) Make a list of standards that we admire in others and aspire to, standards that add value in our lives
2) Make a list of people that we surround ourselves with
The ultimate goal of list #2 is to be in alignment with list #1. If individuals on list #2 do not possess qualities and traits listed on list #1, have the courage to take the leap and cut ties with them. Disconnecting ourselves from toxic people is never easy, but postponing or making excuses out of fear implies that we’re not functioning adults capable of making our own decisions regarding who can and can’t be part of our lives. We are more powerful than that.