Maybe I’m overthinking. Or maybe I just need someone to pat my head and say, “It’s okay, Adrielle”

SunsetIf my brain were a file cabinet, this story would be archived under Times Adrielle’s Big Fat Mouth Betrayed Her.

Let’s just say that I have a tendency to talk before I think. Anyone who spends a significant amount of time with me knows the randomosities that escape my mouth. For the most part, they’re quite harmless, and no consequences are involved.

This is not one of those times. Or maybe it is. You can be the judge.

Last weekend, my crush (am I too old to use that word?) invited me to join him at Hermosa Beach to watch an outdoor beach concert along his friends. I really like this guy. I mean, REALLY like. So much so that I’m starting to think he’s a figment of my imagination. He loves food and travel and epic adventures and Anthony Bourdain! I’ve only known him for a few months, but he has one of the biggest hearts of anyone I know. He’s genuine, deeply cares about the environment and is compassionate towards others. Plus, he has dreams and ambitions and everything else that pretty much sums up an ideal man in my eyes. Did I mention how intelligent he is? Last Sunday, we were watching the sunset together, and I was thinking out loud, “I wonder how sunsets get their different colors.” And I swear to god, the kid had a legitimate answer, talking about molecules in the air and different light wavelengths… Yes, he’s my human Almanac.

Come on, how can someone like him be R E A L?!

So this past Sunday, we were hanging out, and I made a corny/cheesy comment, which I can’t recall at this point. Much to my surprise, he jumped on board and rode along my corniness surfboard! I don’t know what form of spirit possessed me afterwards. Maybe it was the romantic setting, maybe it was all the butterflies I’ve been feeling nonstop, but all of a sudden, I turned to him, grabbed his chin, positioned my face two inches away from his and blurted out, “I love you for that!”

I. love. you. for that.

My eyes widened, my jaw dropped, and blood immediately drained out of my face as soon as my ears heard the words my mouth rebelliously uttered without my brain’s permission.

WHY OH WHY?! Why did I have to choose those words?! Why not, “I like you for that!” Or “You’re cool for saying that!” Why do I have to say the “I love you” part?

I don’t love him, so why did I blurt it out? Perhaps I’m overthinking this. I said it very casually, so I’m just crossing all my fingers and toes it doesn’t scare him off.

It’s probably going to take a few more days for me to ride out the trauma and show my face to him again.

If I ever do recover.

Anicka “Fat Mouth” Nadine